


Don't Say You Will (Unless You Will)

by Love (crazylove)



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-06
Updated: 2010-04-06
Packaged: 2017-10-08 18:02:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazylove/pseuds/Love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time they hooked up Anoop pretended he was drunk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Say You Will (Unless You Will)

The first time they hooked up Anoop pretended he was drunk.

Matt was actually pretty drunk from what Anoop could tell but Anoop had one of those nights where he was never without a drink yet the alcohol never seemed to take a hold. He would feel kind of buzzed every now and then but it would wear off quickly and when they walked back to the hotel all Anoop could think about was how much cardio he'd have to do the next day to offset all those empty calories he'd consumed for no discernible reason.

They didn't get drunk that often. It wasn't that type of a tour. Anoop didn't know how rock stars did it. Their little Idol tour was probably one-fourth the exertion, the craziness, the work and the travel of a real rock tour but still whenever Anoop got a free moment he wanted to drop off on his hotel bed and go to sleep or curl up in a chair somewhere privately and attempt to read but most likely he'd just end up staring into space and then dozing off. Even if they were _paid_ to party every night Anoop didn't think he'd be able to do it. There was a physical impossibility there. He'd have to beg off, say that he couldn't go out all the time, he just couldn't.

Of course, Anoop didn't have to say that. The others pretty much felt the same way he did, especially Kris, Adam and Allison who got flown places whenever they had downtime. Anoop tried not to be jealous but it was always there, a tiny nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't anything that would affect his friendships with them or his performance or anything like that. It was just there, ever present, like a small ache he'd need to learn how to deal with and overcome. If anything, the touch of jealously magnified his drive, reinforced the fact that he needed to make it in this business or he might just fall apart.

Anoop had never felt like that before.

He couldn't let anything stand in his way. He had to stay focused.

But that night he didn't feel every focused. He felt the jealously burning even stronger, especially after seeing Kris' tweets about who he was working with and the luxuries of having a five-star hotel room all to yourself with a bathrobe and room service. Anoop was quite sure he'd never know about anything about that. He was tired, irritable and sick of the beer that was sloshing in his stomach without leaking into his bloodstream so the alcohol could go straight to his brain.

So when Matt leaned into him on the elevator and said, "You have really sexy lips," Anoop was almost grateful for the distraction.

"What?" Anoop said. He could see them in the mirrored walls of the elevator, the back of Matt's head and his own patient expression. His lips. Anoop pressed them together.

"Sorry," Matt said, straighting up. He leaned back against the wall and tipped his head back so that when Anoop looked away from the mirror he could practically see up Matt's nostrils.

"I shouldn't have said that," Matt said with his eyes half-closed. The elevator dinged as they opened and when Matt didn't move after a moment Anoop gave him a gentle push.

"It's the truth though," Matt said as he stumbled down the hallway. He had an easy-going drunk stagger, unfazed if he bumped against the wall or tripped over his feet. It certainly wasn't necessary--their room wasn't far, even though it was on the other side of the hallway and Matt wasn't exactly falling over--but after a moment Anoop slipped his arm around Matt's waist to help steady him a little bit. Matt was warm and soft against him and he smelled good. It wasn't the first time Anoop noticed how good Matt smelled.

When they got in the room Matt collapsed on his bed, all sprawled out on his back. Anoop stood there beside the bed, watching him, not sure why he didn't move. Matt had his eyes closed. He might have just gone to sleep if Anoop didn't say, "Sexy lips. Really? That's--" Anoop stopped because everything that could have come next wasn't actually what he wanted to say.

Matt opened his eyes and blinked at Anoop like they were underwater. "Yeah. Oh come on. Don't act like you didn't know. I thought you were like, super smart. I'm pretty obvious. I think. I don't know."

Anoop didn't know either. Was Matt talking about the fact that Anoop's lips were apparently sexy or that he was apparently into guys or even, if Anoop took it one step further, maybe Matt was talking about the fact that he was apparently attracted to Anoop. Matt was in no state to assist him, eyes closing again, but Anoop needed to figure it out.

"Don't know what?" Anoop asked, poking Matt in the arm.

"That I feel like I could totally be into almost every guy on this tour," Matt said clearly with his eyes still closed. "But right now it's you."

Anoop wouldn't say that his heart stopped. He didn't keel over in shock or anything. But he did sit down on the edge of the bed and look at Matt carefully. Maybe if he was completely honest with himself he could say that he kind of did know that but then again maybe that was the lie.

"Oh," Anoop said.

"Are you gonna, like, switch rooms now?" Matt asked. "Whatever, I don't blame you. See, I don't really need to talk about it but you kind of forced me to--"

"No," Anoop said.

"We can just forget about it," Matt said. "I know I'm just like wasted and I talk a lot. This always happens to me. I think I should just go to sleep before the room starts spinning."

"No," Anoop said. "I'm drunk too."

Then Anoop leaned over and kissed Matt on the lips.

Stage one of losing his mind.

That should have been the end of it. One "drunken" (Anoop always made the air quotes in his mind when he thought about it) hook-up that was nothing more than a few sloppy kisses and then Matt really did pass out and Anoop sat there for like an hour staring at the wall and touching his lips occasionally. He was allowed to be curious one night, okay, but who needed more than that?

Only that wasn't the end of it and Anoop couldn't blame booze or temporary insanity or Matt's stupid crush if it was a crush at all. After the first blow job Anoop had to accept some responsibility. He kept letting it happen. In fact, he was the one that initiated messing around most of time and he would try not to smile when he saw Matt's surprised and delighted face. He wanted to keep it strictly business somehow, like it was all about getting off. They didn't even kiss, except for the first time, which hadn't even been good. Matt kept his mouth down below. Anoop kept his hands at his sides.

Outside of the hotel room Anoop's relationship with Matt was exactly the same. Matt was the person who annoyed him the most and made him laugh the hardest even if sometimes he was just laughing in private just so Matt wouldn't know how truly funny he was. When they were alone Matt could make Anoop come harder than he ever had in his life and he would never ask for anything in return although Anoop probably bought him a couple more candy bars than he would have otherwise just because he felt guilty.

Anoop could never really work up the nerve to really touch Matt. It was one thing to have a pair of lips on his cock-- they could belong to anyone really if he closed his eyes even though, if he was honest with himself, he was never thinking of anyone but Matt-- but it was quite another to actually stare down another cock knowing that it was about to go in his mouth. Then Anoop really had to admit it. This was man-on-man sex going on here and he really enjoyed. He would have to say that to himself.

Matt never pushed him. Anoop couldn't tell if it was because he was _that_ caring and understanding or just too easy-going and completely clueless. His theory could go both ways. A lot of things about Matt could.

However, Matt wasn't shy about getting himself off when Anoop didn't. He'd jerk off after blowing Anoop and other random times like in the shower and when Anoop was trying to go to sleep and Anoop would watch or listen, feeling like a pervert because why would he find that sexy except he _did_ and he'd have to cover his head with his pillow and think about the possum he hit with his car once driving down the street back home, his go-to image whenever things started getting snug in his pants when they weren't supposed to.

But after a while even that stopped working.

He held out until the Grand Rapids show. There was something about that night. It just went perfectly, for everyone, but Matt especially. He had this energy about him that Anoop felt sucked into. He honestly didn't think he had seen Matt so blissfully happy before. Anoop remembered that he took the time backstage with his family and friends at his hometown shows and so did practically everyone else but Matt went out to meet fans before and after and found the time to joke around with everyone who came to see him. When they finally pulled away on the bus Anoop noticed Matt just staring out of the window being the quietest Anoop had ever seen after the show.

"Hey," Anoop said, sitting next to Matt on the little bench in the back of the bus. "You okay?"

"Of course I'm okay," Matt said, turning to him. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know," Anoop said, feeling defensive for a moment. "It's just that you're quiet."

"I'm happy," Matt said and suddenly Anoop wanted to be a part of that. He clamped his hand on Matt's leg right above his knee. Matt jumped a little and then looked at Anoop with questioning eyes but at the same time he had that same smile on his face.

Matt's words echoed in his ears. _I'm happy._

Anoop rubbed Matt's knee deliberately and he moved his hand slowly up Matt's thigh. He knew it was the answer to the unspoken question in Matt's smile, even if he wasn't quite sure what this would all mean.

Matt's thigh through his jeans was firm, solid. Anoop didn't know why he hadn't touched Matt like this before because he loved it. He could feel Matt twitching underneath his hand, just a little, especially when Anoop's fingers were splayed right at the crotch of Matt's jeans.

Anoop stopped when Matt's hand covered his own. He wasn't even breathing as Matt leaned in, his face so close that he could feel Matt's sweet breath as he exhaled out of his nose.

"Hey," Matt whispered. Anoop swallowed deliberately. He didn't want Matt to kiss him. They were still on the bus. Even though they were alone right now that could all change. At any second Danny could burst in or Kris or Michael or anybody. He shouldn't have been touching Matt like that. He gave him the wrong idea. This whole thing was a stupid experiment that they needed to end. Anoop's heart pounded painfully in his chest. He forced himself to look in Matt's green eyes.

He wanted Matt to kiss him.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," Matt said in a low voice. "I don't care, Noop."

Anoop nodded. He knew that. He'd always known that.

Then he slid his hand further up Matt's leg, over his crotch, and he didn't have to go much further to know that Matt was already hard.

"We'll be there soon," Anoop said. The bus rumbled over a big bump and then Anoop could really feel Matt against his hand through his jeans for just a moment.

He hoped they'd get there soon.

The hotel was grand, fancy like all of them were. The tour manager gave out keys and room assignments on the bus and they all filed inside, the sky still dark and heavy above them even though it was close to dawn. Anoop felt nervous in the elevator and he was unable to even crack a smile at Kris and Matt joking together. He didn't know how Matt could act so normal after what had happened on the bus, after what he was anticipating would happen in the room, after everything they'd done together so far but Matt was still Matt, always Matt, and Anoop figured that was the only way he could deal with this.

Kris and Adam reached their room first and then Matt and Anoop's room was just a couple doors down. Anoop fiddled with his key, sticking it in the slot the wrong way a couple of times until Matt told him to turn it around. He tried to smile but only grimaced as he opened the door. The hotel room had weirdly comforting yellow walls and bright paintings on the wall. The carpet was brown and white and checkered. Anoop stared at the floor as the door swung shut, slowly, deliberately, so it wouldn't make any disturbing loud sounds. As soon as the door latched behind them Matt clasped his hands on Anoop's shoulders.

"Relax!" he said. "You're so tense."

Anoop tried to say something but he only shook his head and hoped that it would convey just a little of what was going through his head. Matt shook him and made a silly face so that Anoop couldn't help smiling.

"This is supposed to be fun, right?" Matt said. Anoop nodded.

"Come here," Matt said, grabbing Anoop's hips and pulling him forward. Anoop pressed his lips together when he felt Matt's hand on his zipper. Then he grabbed Matt's wrist.

"No," he said. Matt stopped immediately, looking up at him and looking unsure for the first time. Anoop shook his head more deliberately now.

"I want to," he said, words tumbling out before he could stop them, before he could think about it, until he could change his mind. Matt stood there for a moment. Then he gestured over his shoulder.

"Let's get on the bed," Matt suggested. Anoop followed him there and they sat on the edge together. Anoop just wished this was easier but even after all the times Matt had done this to him he still didn't know where to start. He looked at Matt, apologetically, embarrassed.

"I've never done this before," he said.

"Well, no shit, Noop." Matt laughed and then he was getting out of his pants. Anoop watched him getting undressed so easily, dropping his jeans on the floor and then taking off his underwear. Anoop was pleased that Matt was hard. He pretended that he had something to do with it. Anoop had seen plenty of cocks but he had never actually studied one before, a cock that wasn't his own. Matt was a nice size, similar to Anoop, and his light brown pubes were nicely trimmed. Anoop wondered if he should be doing something like that. Matt had never said anything about it before. It had an awful term-- Manscaping-- but maybe that was part of the Hollywood lifestyle or part of doing things like _this_. He looked up when he realized that he had been staring at Matt's cock and his pubic hair for longer than necessary and flushed. Matt shrugged.

"I like it," Matt said. "I like you looking at me."

Anoop smiled, despite everything, and then he grabbed Matt's cock, gripping it harder than he meant to and Matt flinched a little.

"Sorry," Anoop said, but now his hand was around it and he had to admit the gentle weight of Matt's cock in his hand felt good.

"Take it slow," Matt said. "Don't attack me."

"Sorry," Anoop said again. He just held Matt for a moment and he thought he could feel his pulse or maybe it was Anoop's own heart racing. Matt starting scooting back, getting ip on the bed so he was leaning against the headboard and all the pillows. Anoop let him go for a moment and got more comfortable on the bed himself.

"Don't say sorry," Matt said. "It's all good. Are you sure...?"

Anoop surveyed Matt, lounging on the luxurious double bed with his legs spread and his cock curving lazily up towards his stomach. There was nothing Anoop wanted more then than to make Matt come so he would have that blissful post-concert look on his face. He grabbed Matt's cock again, hard, but deliberately this time and Matt smiled as Anoop moved his hand up and down Matt's cock. Now it felt a little more familiar, not that he had touched Matt's cock before, but he had touched his own and it really wasn't that different if he just thought about what he liked. Anoop licked his palm quickly for a little lubrication and then stroked Matt a little faster. Matt's eyes were closed now, his lips slightly parted.

"That's good, Noop." Matt said and Anoop knew that it was. He knew that he could make Matt come just like this and Matt would grin at him afterward and it wouldn't be too weird, it wouldn't _exactly_ cross that line that Anoop had been tiptoeing around all these weeks.

Except Anoop wanted to cross that line.

So he pumped Matt a couple more times and then when it felt right he leaned over and he put his mouth against Matt's cock.

Matt shivered. Anoop took a deep breath. He opened his mouth so that the top of Matt's cock was just against his lips. He could smell Matt there, nice and clean, and he tasted him, the skin of Matt's warm cock, the pre-come leaking from the tip. He didn't mind it, which was surprising on one hand but not surprising at all. He decided that he might even like it. He pressed his tongue against Matt just to feel Matt jerk some more. He slowly circled his tongue around the head and Matt exhaled loudly.

"Good?" Anoop said, because he needed to hear Matt's voice, needed him to talk him through this, not literally, but just by talking, just by saying anything.

"Yes," Matt said. It sounded more like a sigh. "So good. So good."

Anoop thought about Matt and the things he'd done to him. Usually Anoop kept his eyes closed but sometimes he opened them and peeked down at Matt's mouth moving and his head bobbing below. It was hotter that way so Anoop mostly kept his eyes closed because back then he didn't want to enjoy it too much but that had all changed now.

He grabbed Matt's cock at the base and licked his way up and down and all around while twisting his wrist gently. Matt groaned in the back of his throat.

"Anoop," Matt said. Then his fingers were in Anoop's hair and Anoop liked that he grabbed him there and pulled, just for a moment. "Oh God, Noop."

That's when Anoop put his lips fully around Matt's cock, took Matt fully into his mouth. It wasn't as hard as he thought it would be. In fact he enjoyed the challenge of moving his mouth around Matt's cock and using his tongue and his lips together and maybe his teeth, just a little, but not this time, not the first time. He couldn't believe he was already thinking about the next time, the future, but the way Matt's hips were quivering and listening to his lovely moans told Anoop that Matt probably wasn't going to last too much longer and if Anoop had to be honest with himself he knew that next time was going to be soon.

"Fuck, Anoop..." Matt said, voice throaty and rough and then Anoop realized that he was hard just from the anticipation and the satisfaction of making Matt squirm like this. "Oh... yeah..."

Anoop felt bolder now and he went a little deeper and used his hand when he could. Matt's cock was slick now so that made everything easier as Anoop pumped and jerked and sucked Matt off harder. Matt was mumbling his name and nonsense words and each time his name would come from Matt's lips Anoop felt a tiny shiver in the pit of his stomach and sometimes through the center of his cock and he loved it, he loved Matt saying his name like that. He knew that this was more than an experiment or a means to an end. It wasn't just another way of getting off. He didn't know what that meant except he was going to continue this after tonight, whatever this was, continue it the next night and the next night and the next night.

He was going to find out what this could all really mean.

"Ohhhh..." Matt groaned, arching his hips up so Anoop nearly choked at the change in angle but he kept his cool. "Noop, I'm gonna come, okay. Do you want to...?"

Anoop knew what he was asking. He didn't nod or shake his head but he didn't move either. He kept his mouth right where it was and Matt's breath hitched and then he came hard, straight into Anoop's mouth and Anoop wanted that both to prove to himself that he could do it but also because he knew it was hotter that way, that Matt would come a little harder and Anoop had so much to make up for.

He could have gone to the bathroom and spit without Matt being offended but he didn't. He swallowed carefully, almost surprised that he still felt mostly normal, but not quite. He ran his hands up the inside of Matt's bare thighs and looked at him, eyes closed, chest heaving. He shook Matt's legs gently.

"Hey," Anoop said.

"Damn," Matt said. He opened his eyes and Anoop smiled when he saw that Matt looked the same, just more relaxed and possibly even happier. "You sure you've never done that before?"

"No shit," Anoop said, remembering. The beginning seemed like such a long time ago.

He leaned in and unlike their drunken first and only kiss this time the kiss was natural and it felt good despite the come on his breath and the sweat on his upper lip. He kissed Matt again, more firmly this time, and Matt put a hand on his cheek. Anoop didn't move away immediately, even when their lips weren't touching. He liked his face right there, his nose close to Matt's so that he could see his freckles and the delicate curve of his neck.

"That was good," Matt said against his lips.

"Just good?" Anoop said.

"Fucking incredible, Noop," Matt said. They kissed again, softer, gentler and Anoop felt that same twist in his chest that told him this was something _more_.

"Sorry I made you wait so long," Anoop said.

"Worth it," Matt said. "Every second."

All of a sudden Anoop felt totally spent and completely exhausted. He rolled over, collapsing on the pillows beside Matt. He closed his eyes, kept them closed when Matt started nibbling on his neck.

"I wore you out," Matt said.

"Everything," Anoop said. "Everything wore me out." He bit his lip slightly as Matt fiddled with Anoop's jeans.

"I'm about to wear you out some more," Matt said. "Because I'm still going."

Anoop opened his eyes and grinned at Matt's grin. It was something he'd call beautiful.

"I can't argue with that," Anoop said. He put his hands over Matt's hands as Matt pulled off his belt. He squeezed Matt's fingers gently and hoped that Matt knew that was the signal that Anoop was ready to be swept away.

**Author's Note:**

> two words: kanye west


End file.
